Seek Real Partnerships

What Do You Think? Wednesday

God stretches us in our freedom in Christ. No longer bound to sin but to Him, He challenges us to perform audacious works we otherwise wouldn’t have the power or desire to do. One area is the partnership of real sisterhood, an area that some recovering strong black women wanting to be the strongest strong black woman have a problem excelling in.

We know that problems with self-seeking, envy, withholding compliments and other hater-type behavior are not unique to black women. All women—all humans affected by the curse of sin—deal with these issues. How we, as Christians, deal with these issues distinguishes us from the masses. Check out this blog post from one of our white sisters that challenges us to get beyond ourselves and give the love we should.

Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. — Galatians 5:26 (KJV)

[Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. — Philippians 2:3 (KJV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . . . –1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV).

When we seek real partnerships, rooted in the love of Christ, we can easily lay down our agendas, avoid strife, be happy for and esteem others and have the mind of Christ. We can support our sisters without hesitation or reservation. We don’t have to wonder if someone will hook us up, too, or use us and we don’t have to withhold our best when seeking to bless others. Where do you find yourself? Where are you on the real sisterhood spectrum? Do you need to make, mend or mature your relationships? I urge you with the mandate of Scripture, the prompting of our sister and the Holy Ghost to start today to establish healthy partnerships for real sisterhood. As always, tell me what you think?

Freedom of Partnerships

Photo credit: InMagine.com

Flynn left the kids and me, just for a week but I got a GLIMPSE of single motherhood. I say a GLIMPSE because I knew, Lord willing, my husband would return after a ministry conference and be there again to partner with me in parenting. Also, my time with my sons was them being with me; I didn’t have to work outside the home like most single mothers do. It was only my job temporarily to physically provide for my children’s wants and needs and I did so with God’s grace. We had a great time at the drive-in movie theater, watching our city’s fireworks display, running around the playground, going to the library and having dinner with family friends. On a few outings I was alone with them. On two others I was with my single-for-the-week sister and her children and my-single-for-the-week friend and her daughter (Both their husbands were out of town, too). We have always respected single mothers, but our GLIMPSE into that sisterhood helped us appreciate them more AND cherish the freedom that can come with being married to men who take their fatherhood as seriously as we take our motherhood. Though we are bound by marriage (1 Corinthians 7:33, 39) our fatherhood-engaged husbands allow us to disengage from motherhood from time to time. For this reason, I encouraged Flynn to go away and basked in his return.

My dynamic with Flynn got me thinking about the freedom we have in healthy life partnerships—those we have in marriage, in friendship and with biological and spiritual families. Do we take these for granted or do we avoid them, knowing someone’s freedom in the partnership may at times mean for us a burden, one that we are unwilling to carry? As we celebrate our country’s freedom to self-govern, I want us to honor the freedom that healthy partnerships bring to our lives, those God-ordained relationships that the Bible speaks so clearly of. We must help one another, seek to refresh others so that we, too, might be refreshed (Proverbs 11:25). This is a path to our freedom that followers of Christ must lovingly take to benefit us all. Let us seek and celebrate the freedoms we have in Christ (John 8:32, 36; Romans 6:18-23, 8; Galatians 4-5:1, 16).

My One Thousand Gifts List

#121-130
Milk to nurse Justus
The children loving love
Flynn initiating prayer with the family before he and Joshua left for the day (and though they were running late)
God showing me that I’m not satisfied satisfying Him
Supplies for Joshua’s Black History Month project
Working with Joshua on his Black History Month project
Joshua wanting me to sleep with and Nate
Joshua not wanting me to leave his room
Impressing me to apologize to Joshua for hurting his feelings
Floyd taking Joshua to his piano lesson

Friday Feature: Eat Organic

Growing up I had little chance of developing a habit of eating fresh fruit. My dad would buy an equal amount of apples and oranges and cheese twists, cookies, pop and fruit punch. We children always had a choice of what we wanted, and we always chose the junk food. You know we had a lot of rotten fruit and taste buds spoiled for good nutrition. Over the years I made myself eat fruit; I did love vegetables, though. It took a major health challenge nearly 20 years ago that forced me to enter for the first time a natural health food store and another health issue about 10 years ago that put me on the path to eating organic foods. This is where I plan to stay.

Organic means that “the produce and other ingredients are grown without the use of pesticides and synthetic fertilizers, sewage sludge, genetically modified organisms, or ionizing radiation. Animals that produce meat, poultry, eggs, and dairy products do not take antibiotics or growth hormones” (Organic.org). As a result, you get food closer to the way God intended for it to be. My husband, who is frugal and has historically eaten whatever is given to him, was ready to return to conventionally-grown produce once I completed my nutritional healing plan that included organic produce. When he did, we both noticed that the produce didn’t taste as good as the organic.

Now most of our produce and many products we buy are organic. People wonder if organic foods are more nutritious and otherwise healthier for you than non-organic products. The general consensus among traditional healthcare providers is still out, though some scientists are discovering organic to be better. Researchers at the University of California, Davis, found organic oranges had more Vitamin C and phytochemicals (plant chemicals with protective and disease-preventive properties) than non-organic ones, and those elsewhere found organic produce to be higher in antioxidants. Studies aside, my husband and I reasoned that we’d rather spend the extra money that organic products sometimes cost than to spend it later on healthcare for illnesses we may get from modified foods that were never intended for human consumption.

Eating organic has helped me in two major ways: 1) I desire healthy food. My taste buds now dance instead of dismiss fresh fruit. I now eat better without forcing myself to do so. 2) I detox more fully. When I fast, my body not only dispels old fecal matter but flushes out old toxins without digesting new ones. Click here for other reasons to eat organic.

When I started my journey to organic eating, I didn’t know where to begin. Now there is a ton of information available to help you get started. Be sure to read next week’s Friday Feature where I give you tips on how to select and save money on organic products. In the meantime, check out these websites (Organic.org and Living Maxwell) and let me know what you find. And those of you who have been eating organically, I would love to hear about the benefits you have experienced.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

Living in the Pink-A Book Review

What Do You Think? Wednesday

  • She’s pretty, single and perhaps saved with a perhaps saved boyfriend but they aren’t saving the sex for marriage. She’s conflicted and he’s confused; he thought their arrangement was working out swell until…
  • This is the last time she would bail him out or at least that’s what she wanted. But what’s a strong black mama to do when her baby’s in trouble?
  • She went to college, owns a business and runs with the movers and shakers. Though she grew up in the church she was now far from God. How does she maintain this lifestyle without giving praise to God?

You probably know one of these women. Maybe you are one of these women. These are three of the main characters in Living in the Pink, a new novel by Sharon Tubbs. And though Living in the Pink is a novel, as you can see from the character sketches, you experience real life when reading this collection of short stories. These women with strong black women characteristics are all “living in the pink,” but Laura Pinkston, aka Sister Pinky, challenges them to abandon their self-willed lives and embrace “the glory of living white as snow.”

People living in the pink have had their red like scarlet sins washed as white as snow but dabble with some of their sins, thus tinting their lives. Sister Pinky explains: In-the-pink people “say they believe in God, but only enough to call themselves ‘spiritual’ without having to make significant changes in their lives. Don’t be fooled…they might go to church and say eloquent prayers or sport a Jesus bumper sticker—all the while nursing sins that they’re unwilling or afraid to let go. They want to believe in God, just not too much.”

Author Tubbs says Sister Pinky, the all-seeing church mother, is based on a mixture of women she knows, including her mother, and the Titus 2 woman. She crafted this novel, complete with discussion questions at the end of each story, so women will examine themselves, whether based on responses to the questions or from the correction of a Sister Pinky that they know.

“Everybody is living in the pink in some aspect of their lives,” Tubbs says. “The question is, ‘Are we happy there or do we want to improve?’ Everyone needs to be striving to get more out of life.” To help with this process, in addition to the questions in the book, Stubbs has created the “Pinky Meter,” a non-scientific, yet fun, quiz to help you determine just how in the pink you’re living. Take the quiz here.

Tubbs says, “The intent with the questions is for women to be more introspective. So often what we tend to do is blame our circumstances on our jobs, on other people…on men. I’m not saying these things don’t have weight, but we have the Holy Spirit inside and that’s power.”

You know from the beginning of this blog I have challenged African American Christian women to forsake their strong black women ways and walk in the strength of God. I believe Living in the Pink is another tool to challenge you to do that. As you read the book, you can’t help but think about another sister you know or even wonder how you should handle your own strong black women issues. Pick up Living in the Pink at Tubbs’ website or on Amazon and enjoy a fast-moving, funny and spiritually-fulfilling book that will help you cherish your salvation and summer days. And make sure to tell me what you think.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

About the Author

Sharon Tubbs, author of Living in the Pink


Sharon Tubbs is a Christian who loves to write and has done so for more than 15 years as a newspaper journalist. The Living in the Pink project originated when Sharon wrote a version of the first story, Revelation, for a writing contest. She didn’t plan to create a series at the time. In fact, that story stayed tucked away in her computer for years before she looked at it again. The second go-round, she saw potential for something more and began to develop the central character “Sister Pinky,” using humor and real-life situations to touch others in a down-to-earth way. A condensed version of the series was launched online in April 2009 to a select number of women around the country. The positive feedback inspired Sharon to seek print publication with Lift Every Voice Books (Moody Publishers) for broader distribution of an expanded and improved version of Living in the Pink.

Originally from Indiana, Sharon now lives in Florida where she has encouraged other women spiritually through leadership activities. She has also inspired others to write poetry, devotionals, and books with Christian themes. In her spare time, Sharon enjoys hanging out with friends, live theater, a relaxing bubble bath, and Rocky Road ice cream.

Chivalrous Love

Before I met my husband, my dad was the sweetest, most thoughtful and chivalrous man I knew. Curtis Anderson Sr. doted on my mom so much that one of her single girlfriends had the nerve to ask my sister would she mind having her as a stepmom if something ever happened to my mother. My dad would open doors, buy her things before she asked and rarely raised his voice with her. He was the family chef, so my mother never had to cook a meal nor did my siblings or I. To this day my brother is surprised that my sister and I cook so well, never being made to learn to cook or prepare a family meal. We were so self-absorbed, we never even volunteered. My father loved to give and I loved that he loved to give. To this day most of the classic suits I own are the ones my dad bought me, sometimes just because “they looked like you.” In my eyes he was the perfect man. No one could replace my daddy, but with Flynn I get that same love. In the beginning of our relationship, though, I almost blew it.

We were riding in the car one evening when dating and I took out something to read. Without me having to ask, Flynn turned on the light to help me see. Most normal people would have said “Thank you.” I, instead, began to berate him, telling him that I didn’t need his help and if I wanted the light on I could have turned it on myself. He responded with a soft word and had the nerve to still date me. Like my father, he saw a need and sought to fulfill it. Flynn wanted the best for me, but I was a strong black woman gone berserk (is that redundant?). He was trying to help me yet I saw his chivalry as controlling me, imposing his will on my life and thus redefining who I was. That little act spoke loudly the type of bondage I was in and that so many recovering strong black women are in. We shun the help that comes to us even though we are struggling:

So, then, brethren, we are not children of the bondwoman but of the free. Stand fast, therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.—Galatians 4:31-5:1

Quench not the Spirit.—1 Thessalonians 5:19

I think we forget the position God has placed us in. Like a caring father or husband, Jesus Christ saw our need and gave of Himself and through the price He paid to take away our sin we have been grafted in the body of Christ. We have been provided for even when we didn’t know we needed provision. We have been given sight when we couldn’t see. We are constantly doted on and directed because of Christ’s deep love and care for us. He never imposes His will upon us but makes it clear and empowers us to want it and choose it, all for our good. We too often resist His love and choose the bondage of self-will. But Jesus is ever present, vowing to never leave us or forsake us. With His presence and our desire to let Him lead we will break out of bondage and surely succeed.

I praise God for a father and a husband who remind me of Jesus. And I praise God for regulating my mind when I didn’t accept Flynn’s love, giving me a second chance to receive what He knew I needed.

How have you rejected God’s blessings? How have you been able to adjust your mind to receive what God has for you?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#111-120
Andrina’s safe travel to and from Cleveland for Aunt Lois’ funeral
Andrina helping me to get Xfinity operating
God giving me an on the spot 1 Peter 5:8 bible study to help Joshua deal with Alexis
Joshua understanding the bible study
Joshua accepting his punishment for destroying the air freshener cap
Managing the children without anger
Preparing a tasty, fast and simple dinner
A lack of desire for meat
Intimate time with Flynn
Nate sleeping through the night