Category Archives: Control

Take No Control, Take No Credit

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Me (pregnant with Justus) and ladies of my former discipleship group: LaWanda, Della and Nikia

On Friday I hung out with one of my baby sisters, Della. She and I aren’t related by human blood but we are none the less family. We’ve supported each other in many ways, emotionally, mentally, financially, socially and spiritually. When Nate was born, she felt led for six months to serve me and my family by helping me care for Nate, Josh and my home. I have led her through many bible studies and given her numerous hours of counseling. She looks up to me. Della is my baby sister and because she is she watches me. Friday Della told me something she observed about me that had been such a stronghold for me I’m still uncovering how it has been broken in my life:

“Rhon, you have really changed. I remember when you wouldn’t stop until you found the answer,” Della said, after seeing how I didn’t obsess with finding out the missing word of a memory verse I was trying to quote to her. “Oh, I’ll have to look it up later,” I said. Even with the Bible on my phone that was in my purse, I went back to talking to her and we proceeded to shop. She saw this and knew these actions represented a different person, a person who was trying to focus on what was before her and wasn’t trying to control matters. I am learning not to try to control everything.

And I’ve tried to control a lot of people and situations through people. This can be a miserable existence and one we were never meant to live. We can’t control the actions of anyone—friends, co-workers, husband, children or any subordinates, particularly those we may lead in ministry. We just have to do what God told us to do and let that be enough. So often obedience is not enough because we want to own what happens as a result of what we told someone, whether it was advice or a warning. But we can’t own the outcome—good or bad—of what people do after we share with them. When we try to control how (or even if) they respond to our teaching we are trying to make ourselves God. God is the one who put in us the power to want to do and the ability to do what pleases Him (Philippians 2:13). When we fret because people haven’t followed our instruction, we are upset, essentially, that we aren’t that power to make them want and to actually do what we told them to do. When they do what we told them to do, we can’t take credit for that. The Holy Spirit led us to instruct them. The Holy Spirit led them to complete the assignment. The Holy Spirit gave them the power to complete the assignment. We are nowhere in the equation, except as a vessel God chose to use so His voice might be heard and obeyed.

When we walk in complete humility we continually recognize our “spiritual littleness and unworthiness and submit to the power and will of God.” When we do this we recognize that the only power we have is to trust and obey God. He is responsible for handling the outcome. He has already equipped believers with being able to do right. He already has a system in place when we—sinners and saints—do wrong. The consequences are left for Him and shouldn’t be our concern if we did what He told us to do. Our focus has to be on obedience. Obedience is hard enough in and of itself and will give us plenty to do. We can’t own outcomes—good or bad—if we did what God told us to do.

My One Thousand Gifts List

201-210
Ashley Haupt’s blog about her daughter starting a gratitude journal
Doing “the bump” with Joshua
Joshua dancing while I sang a made up song
Justus banging his foot to the rhythm of my chopping onions
A good night’s rest
A shower before 7 a.m.
Talking with Flynn
Lunch for Joshua and Flynn being easy to prepare
Justus sleeping through the night
Awesome love time with God

Breathe Again on the (in)courage blog

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I praise God for the opportunity to spread His message to a wider audience on (in)courage: home for the hearts of women.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#151-160
Spending early time with God
Being able to skin the chicken before Justus called out to me
Giving the boys a bath
Taking a shower
Cooking most of dinner before noon
Spending three hours interacting with and teaching Nate before he watched TV
Tabitha for being selfless and supporting me so
A completed Black History Month report
Getting to watch a movie
A restful evening

Give Up Your World

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“..(A)nyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”—2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

The other day my oldest son asked if he could arise in the morning to join me during my prayer time. I was so pleased, but I wasn’t always this way. When Joshua was 6 God told me some things He had called Joshua to be and one was a prayer warrior. I asked God to show me how to train him to war in the spirit this way, and I didn’t hear anything from God. Suddenly, at 6, Joshua began to arise early on his own, sit quietly as I prayed and would hand me tissue so I could dry my tears. At first I thought his rising was endearing. After he kept joining me for about a week, I was upset. “Can’t I have some time to myself?” Then God reminded me that I had asked him to show me how to train Joshua. What better way than to model prayer and have him pray kneeling beside me right after me? But I soon slipped back into my selfish way, being happy a few weeks later when Joshua stopped waking up. I reasoned that the season for training him during my quiet time must be over. Truth is, discipline is part of the training, and I should have awakened him even when he didn’t get up. I did sometimes, but for the last two years that has been only a handful of times. So last week when Joshua asked to wake up to join me in prayer, I gladly agreed. I’m so glad I did. We had a rich time, and I got a chance to see a bit of what God sees every time we walk in selfishness.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.—1 Corinthians 13:11

Before we prayed Joshua asked, “What happens to our bodies if our spirit goes to be with God when we die?” Of course, this led to a Bible study on Christ’s return and us receiving glorified bodies and reigning with Jesus on a new earth (1 Corinthians 15:51-52; 2 Corinthians 3:18; 2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 20:6). To give him a picture of what our glorified bodies might be able to do I had him read Luke 24:15-31 when Jesus walked and supped with the men from the Emmaus road then vanished from their sight. When I told him that our bodies would be supernatural, like Jesus’ body, letting us do supernatural feats like superheroes, he became sad. I was perplexed. Like his dad, Joshua loves comic book characters and he frequently asks me which ones I think are the strongest. When I asked what made him sad about getting a new improved body he said, “I want this body. I like this body. And I don’t want there to be a new earth. This earth is perfect. I want it to stay the same.” No matter how many benefits I told him about having a glorified body and reminded him of the wretchedness of this world he still wanted to cling to the old. He was determined to remain unchanged in spite of the pain and disappointment he feels in his own body and sees in the world. He didn’t want anyone to disrupt his familiar or his comfort. He didn’t want anyone, not even God, to change his world. I just hugged him and told him I understood, recognizing that he was a child and just didn’t understand how wonderful his change would be. I knew that when he grew up, his view would change. I determined that I would continue to be there for him, allowing God to disrupt my quiet time world, so I can help Joshua mature in his faith and talk the way he should.

So often those of us recovering from strong black womanhood seek to maintain our established order so that we can control our circumstances. We can’t handle a change to our world, even one that would help us create a better world or just allow God to give us a better one. Even though we know our present personal world may be in need of repair, we somehow convince ourselves that everything is perfect and fight to keep living there. Give up the fight and the temper tantrums and let God serve you a better world. This is a challenge, but one we must rise to so we walk out 1 Corinthians 13:11 and be the new creations the Bible declares us to be.

What worlds have you been clinging to that you need to let go of?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#141-150
A woman’s desire to follow God
An anointed sermon
Dinner with Stephanie
The boys making their own fun at Stephanie’s
Flynn cleaning the kitchen
Flynn putting the boys to bed
Flynn making me tea
Being able to rest
Spending time with family
My headache dissipating

Everlasting Talent

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Sometimes I think my talent won’t last. I’ll rise up early, get to the keyboard and my fingers won’t stroke a key. I have nothing to say. My talent has left me, gone on to younger fingers and fresh minds, leaving me in a funnel. I’m history, a part of the “you remember that” crew, that group of people who for a season dazzled us with whatever God-giving amazement they had then vanished. I don’t want people to think about me with has-been terms. “Whatever happened to…?,” “She used to,” and “I used to like” are memory-keeping phrases that I don’t want anyone to have relating to me and my writing. All of these thoughts came to me before I heard: “God is everlasting so my talent is everlasting.” That thought didn’t come from me so I went to the keyboard to relate what my Everlasting Talent was saying.

We put too much emphasis on what we can do, what others will think, how well we can do, and if we can do it again, and it was never us in the first place. If we are connected to the Everlasting One—Jesus Christ Himself—whatever He has for us will last as long as it should; it will be everlasting. This is what we need to focus on. No amount of worry about our ability or what others think will produce what God has given to us to produce. “[I]n him we live and move and have our being…” (Acts 17:28). Whatever lasts remains because God has allowed it to remain. Yes, we must do our part by way of discipline and the route of preparation He has for us, but “…God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn” (Romans 11:29 NLT). Whatever ability and assignment God gives us will always be there. My talent focus might shift but it will still be there, everflowing and giving life to others through God’s enabling. That’s the only way we accomplish anything. We must remember to live “by revelation not by human determination” (Tony Evans in his series “Reclaiming Your Spiritual Authority: The Key to Ruling the World, Part 1).

I am thankful that I produce through God’s revelation not my determination, worry or any other human factor. God provides me a well of thoughts and those are the only ones I should want anyway.

What “inadequacy” have you been wrestling with?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#91-100
Not feeling engorged
Justus sleeping seven hours through the night
Being able to witness to a woman
The woman being receptive to being evangelized
Cooking dinner without feeling stressed
Christen for babysitting
Dinner out with Flynn
Tasty food at Benihana
A loving mother with her four children at Benihana
A loving couple at Benihana

Lord of the Sabbath

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

It’s 9:48 p.m. and I am just writing today’s blog post. There were no preemptive activities or technology issues. I just didn’t have anything to say. Well, I did, actually, but that was the problem: I had something to say. I’ve learned if I have something to say and God didn’t tell me to say it then I am on my own, and I can’t be out there like that, you know what I mean?

I remember that time, I’m sorry, those times, when I dated that boy because I wanted something to do. Then there was that time that I went to that place because I wanted somewhere to go and other times I said something because I wanted someone to know and each time ended in disaster: hurt bodies and emotions lay scattered, I was scattered wishing I had just listened to God.

We’ve all been there, wanting immediate gratification so we follow our flesh instead of waiting for God’s best for us. We try to rationalize, even spiritualize, our decisions. Sometimes that’s just easy to do when we are out of God’s will but want to be in His will. We work hard to make our will look like His will. I tried to do that in my mind. Thinking to God, I said: “You told me to start this blog and post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I want to be obedient to posting on the days you told me.” Even saying this I knew I couldn’t write what came to mind because I didn’t have a release in my spirit. Had God forgotten what He told me or did He change His mind? I know God doesn’t have any memory problems and doesn’t change His mind (though a change for us may seem like He does) so I decided to wait on him. He would tell me what I needed to know when I needed to know it.

This afternoon when telling a friend about my dilemma I said, “He’s the Lord of the Sabbath. He can do what He wants” (Luke 6:5). After the scripture popped in my mind, I understood my delay. Just like Jesus could heal on the Sabbath, the day Jewish law designated at God’s command as the day of rest—a day set aside to honor God—Jesus could tell me not to post just to remind me that He is the Lord of my blog. In the beginning He told me what days to post. If he decided to change my post days, He could do that; He is the Lord of my days. He is the Lord of all our days.

So what are you fretting about? Did He give that to you to do? Did you say you He was your Savior and Lord, too? Well, I had to let Him be. Won’t you let Jesus be the Lord of your days? C’mon, what do you think?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith