Category Archives: Control

Understanding Sobriety

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The world tells us to drink responsibly: Don’t drink and drive and don’t let anyone younger than 21 purchase or consume alcohol. But for the Christian, handling alcohol properly goes beyond drinking and driving and being a certain age. We have to consider the spiritual implications for ourselves and others:

1) Being sober enables us to do what God wants. “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). When you’re drunk with wine or any intoxicating drink, you’re under its power. Christians should always be under the power of the Holy Spirit so we can a) clearly hear from God; b) understand proper actions; and 3) have the strength to do what we have heard and know to be right. If you don’t do what’s right, you bring judgment upon yourself (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). And what good is being a Christian if you aren’t able to follow God’s commandments?

2) Not drinking helps others to do what God commands. “It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble” (Romans 14:21). Though we have freedom as Christians to consume fermented drinks, we are told that everything we do is not helpful (1 Corinthians 6:12). So if drinking in front of others causes them to disrespect you, misunderstand Christianity or drink more than they should, you should not drink. And if you do drink, you’ll have to be so much on the down low that they won’t find out because whether you drink in their presence is really not the issue. It’s just knowing that you drink that may cause them to make improper judgments. For me, being a down low drinker is not worth the hassle. I’ve just given up drinking altogether.

So can a Christian drink alcohol? Yes. Should a Christian drink alcohol? No, if 1) you will get drunk; 2) you want or need alcohol to control you; or 3) doing so causes others to make improper judgments about you, Christianity and how they can relate to alcohol. Truly, we are our brothers’ and sisters’ keeper, not just for physical safety but also for spiritual guidance, understanding and protection. This is a big job, but we are called and equipped to do it.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Sober Vision

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To drink or not to drink, that is the question so many Christians have. As a recovering strong black woman who likes to make her own decisions, I wrestled with this question for awhile. People I know would invite me to mix and mingles and without exception these events would have beer, wine and alcohol. Or maybe I would attend a wedding reception, and they would have an open bar and a champagne toast. Should I participate? And if I could, what could I drink and how much could I drink? Outside of mix and mingles and wedding receptions, where should I drink, around whom could I drink, what would people think about me if I drank, and should I care what people thought about me if I drank? Maybe you, too, want to know as a Christian whether or not you should drink and what may be the stipulations of doing so. I believe after reading this series of posts on being sober, you will have an educated biblical response regarding whether or not Christians should drink beer, wine or alcohol.

Scripture gives us the positive and negative side of drinking:
Positive sense—Paul tells Timothy to use wine medicinally (1 Tim. 5:23). We also see that people drank wine at a wedding. So they drank at a time of merriment, to celebrate (John 2:1-10).
Negative sense—Wine has the power to make you talk rough and alcohol makes you walk tough, causing you to argue and fight people. They both cause you to be under their power (Proverbs 20:1). Titus 2:3 puts it this way: The biblical woman “is not given to much wine” which means that she doesn’t allow the drink to control her.

So God’s vision of a biblical woman is for fermented drinks not to control her with their intoxicating effect. Even if you don’t get sloppy drunk, where you’re stumbling and cussing out and fighting people, fermented drinks control you if 1) you have to drink to have a good time; 2) you have to have a drink to become calm; or 3) you can’t stop drinking until you get drunk. All of these instances make you a slave to the bottle, and you are out of control.

Am I saying you can’t get your drink on? Maybe. It depends on you assessing yourself according to who God wants you to be as I laid out here and as I will further do next time. Until then, I welcome your stories of struggle and success with beer, wine and alcohol.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Reasons for a Strong Black Woman to Skip Town

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Pride has been the theme these past few weeks, and as you know maintaining pride can wear you out and make you act crazy when you realize the cost of maintaining it. So what’s a (recovering) strong black woman to do when she finds herself at her wits end? Skip town, of course:

    1. So she remains in recovery and won’t kill her kids.
    2. So her husband or boyfriend will still like her.
    3. So her friends remain her friends.
    4. So she maintains her brilliance.
    5. So she won’t curse out her boss.
    6. So she remains sane.
    7. So she won’t neglect important commitments.
    8. So she won’t go into permanent seclusion.
    9. So she doesn’t lose her Christian testimony.
    10. So God will be proud that she decided to refresh herself so she wouldn’t lose her Christian testimony.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Pride is a Mother

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Pride is a mother, and if you don’t disown her you will forever be a momma’s girl with “no ugly friends.” This is the conclusion I came to years after one of my closest friends reported to us, her girls, that she told a relative “I don’t have no ugly friends.” This was about 15 years ago when we were young, fly and high on ourselves. Though I wasn’t the one to say it, the glory of having attractive friends remained in my heart. I thought of what made them cute: genetics played a big part, and then their hair, clothes, makeup and other assets added to their beauty. And they were fun to be around, but I never attributed this to their beauty. Nor did I count their wit, intelligence, kindheartedness or “breaking their back” for you style to their beauty. Now, I always recognized my sisters’ internal qualities, but these weren’t foremost in my mind. I never considered myself shallow. But after my friend made the “no ugly friends” comment, I found myself internalizing it when I was with them. When we went out, I found myself smiling a bit more, sticking my chest out and looking around to see who was looking at us. We had careers, cars, clothes, and nice homes, and we looked good. I was proud.

As I reflect on how I felt, I realize that I was being shallow, though never blatantly so. But does it matter that my friendship pride wasn’t blatant? Isn’t what matters is that I was prideful at all? I thank God that He transformed me to look more at people’s inner beauty that seemed to give them so much outer beauty. I don’t remember exactly when this began in me, but about 10 years ago I met a stay-at-home mom, with a crisp and clean outdated dress, neat home-styled hair and a peaceful smile that said “I am content.” She may not have looked the strong black woman part, but she walked it because she was sure about herself, and it wasn’t because of her outward appearance. She knew that she was beautiful and she beamed it so (1 Peter 3:3-5).

After meeting her was when I knew I wanted to be different, not dress or wear my hair like hers, but to act like her in spite of my clothes and hair. I wanted to greater emphasize the eternal and not the external and get my friends to do the same. The road is still a challenge as I seek to disown pride, become a Daddy’s girl and rejoice in my friends no matter how they look. The big switch truly is easier as I seek to let Christ reign in and shine through me.

An Extraordinary Life

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“You can’t achieve the extraordinary if you don’t attempt the extraordinary.”
—Pastor Phillip C. Carr

Yesterday at church, my leadership development pastor, Phillip Carr, challenged the congregation to be extraordinary Christians. He said many of us fight more for the ordinary life we lead instead of the extraordinary life that Jesus Christ means for us to have (1 Peter 1:3; John 10:10). I so related to this, with my recovering judgmental self. You know that trifling, lazy people bother me. And those of us who have the Spirit of Christ have no excuse. So as a high achiever, I was in the amen corner yesterday but felt myself shrinking a bit when he talked about those who are satisfied with our achievements just because they may be better than someone with low standards. Though I’m not prone to compare myself to a low achiever, I find myself—from the pressure of being a strong black woman—settling for that’ll do because what I’ve done is better than most and not so bad for me, and I have a whole bunch more to get done. I was going to do that today, by posting a piece that I really want you to read, but it’s not quite finished yet. But I decided to be extraordinary, better than average, and allow God to use me in that piece. So today I just want you to ponder “An extraordinary Christian is an ordinary Christian who has allowed God to have His way in (her) life” (Pastor Carr). And ask yourself (and tell me in the comments section), “Am I being an extraordinary Christian?”

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith