I had no idea the strong black woman had crept into my prayer life. For four days I had been blocked in my spirit, not feeling a free flow of the Holy Ghost during my prayer time. I asked the Lord what it was. He was silent. I fasted to find out what it was. God was silent. Then one morning before dawn, in the quiet of morning that I love, when my family is still asleep, the birds and crickets don’t chirp and no cars even drive down the street, God wakes me, beckons me to come. I don’t know what He wants, but I, like Samuel, simply say “Speak, Lord, for your servant hears.” The house is still silent and silent is what God remains. The silence becomes loud so I start speaking, praying for whoever comes to mind, believing it’s speaking time. God says nothing. Finally I cry, “What is it Lord? What are you trying to tell me? Did I end my fast too soon? Is there some sin I have that I’m missing? What is it Lord? Help me?” God then replaces my thoughts of people with the specific promises that He has given me. I know I am supposed to pray for those promises. This is where I have been negligent, laying aside my needs and seeking to fulfill those of others, still trying to be a strong black woman.
Daily I pray for others, my behavior toward others and my calling of ministering to women, particularly through writing. I go in detail praying for others, but I only get specific about the ministry activities I’m already doing and I ask in general for those things to come to pass that I believe God would have me to do. I have failed to pray for those specific promises He has told me would come to pass in my ministry. I’m asking for more but I have not stewarded through prayer what He has already promised me. While this has been true in my prayer life, for some of us that is the case in all of life.
We want a new house when the one we have is not clean. We want well-behaved children but we aren’t diligent in training and teaching them. We want our husband to serve us but we are constantly nagging him. We want good health but we don’t exercise. We want more when we haven’t done what we need to do with what we already have.
“To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away” (Matthew 25:29—NLT). We can miss present and greater blessings when we pay attention to others’ affairs and neglect our own. We must seek to be those servants God wants to tell “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much (Matthew 25:21).” Through God’s leading, we can lay down our strong black woman tendency to focus on others and much less on ourselves, pick up our God-given talents and use them for our greater good.
My One Thousand Gifts List
#271-280
Getting a flood of book promotion ideas
The church again being such a big blessing
Being able to attend and hear bible study
Hearing Justus’ laugh
Hearing Joshua’s loud voice
Lunch with Allecia
Completing my blog post
Flynn grocery shopping
Being accepted to an affiliate program
Joshua’s maturity in telling me “that it was fair” when I couldn’t sign up for Ann Voskamp’s retreat because it was sold out: “It wasn’t white rules,” he said, his wording for racism.
