Author Archives: Rhonda J. Smith

Sober Vision

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To drink or not to drink, that is the question so many Christians have. As a recovering strong black woman who likes to make her own decisions, I wrestled with this question for awhile. People I know would invite me to mix and mingles and without exception these events would have beer, wine and alcohol. Or maybe I would attend a wedding reception, and they would have an open bar and a champagne toast. Should I participate? And if I could, what could I drink and how much could I drink? Outside of mix and mingles and wedding receptions, where should I drink, around whom could I drink, what would people think about me if I drank, and should I care what people thought about me if I drank? Maybe you, too, want to know as a Christian whether or not you should drink and what may be the stipulations of doing so. I believe after reading this series of posts on being sober, you will have an educated biblical response regarding whether or not Christians should drink beer, wine or alcohol.

Scripture gives us the positive and negative side of drinking:
Positive sense—Paul tells Timothy to use wine medicinally (1 Tim. 5:23). We also see that people drank wine at a wedding. So they drank at a time of merriment, to celebrate (John 2:1-10).
Negative sense—Wine has the power to make you talk rough and alcohol makes you walk tough, causing you to argue and fight people. They both cause you to be under their power (Proverbs 20:1). Titus 2:3 puts it this way: The biblical woman “is not given to much wine” which means that she doesn’t allow the drink to control her.

So God’s vision of a biblical woman is for fermented drinks not to control her with their intoxicating effect. Even if you don’t get sloppy drunk, where you’re stumbling and cussing out and fighting people, fermented drinks control you if 1) you have to drink to have a good time; 2) you have to have a drink to become calm; or 3) you can’t stop drinking until you get drunk. All of these instances make you a slave to the bottle, and you are out of control.

Am I saying you can’t get your drink on? Maybe. It depends on you assessing yourself according to who God wants you to be as I laid out here and as I will further do next time. Until then, I welcome your stories of struggle and success with beer, wine and alcohol.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Three Tips for Avoiding Slander

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Avoid evil for evil (Romans 12:17)—Human nature’s typical response to someone doing something evil to you is 1) disbelief; 2) to wonder why she did it; 3) to figure out how to get her back; and 4) to get her back. This pattern always leads to slander. Wondering why often has you creating scenarios regarding your culprit’s thoughts and the motives in her heart. This will not change the slander nor make your culprit remorseful. Neither will trying to figure out how to get her back and getting her back remove the wrong done to you and change your perpetrator’s heart. Instead of traveling the slanderous road, bless the one who did evil to you (Romans 12:14). You can do this by 1) praying that God changes her heart and 2) doing something more practical for her like providing for a basic need or sending her a note of forgiveness or encouragement (Proverbs 25:21-22).

Focus on being a friend—Sometimes your friends are the ones who do you wrong. With them too avoid evil for evil and concentrate on being a friend by 1) loving at all times (Proverbs 17:17); 2) providing earnest counsel (Proverbs 27:9 and Ephesians 4:15); and 3) encouraging and challenging her (Proverbs 27:17 and Romans 14:19). Loving at all times includes even when your friend shows you no love. Love should always be unconditional because this is how Jesus Christ loves us. If you concentrate on being a friend, you don’t have time, energy or inclination to travel the slanderous road.

Remember your job as an ambassador of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20)—Whatever you do is a reflection of our Christianity. If you wrong people because they wrong you, people will believe the God you claim to love does the same. You’ve heard, “If that’s the way Christians act, then I don’t want to be a Christian” or something similar. As an ambassador of Jesus Christ, you have to represent Him by doing what He would do, loving the way He loved. This is the way you draw people to Jesus Christ. This is the Christian’s main mission (Matthew 28:18-20).

Remember, God says that He will provide vengeance to those who have done evil (Romans 12:19 and 2 Thessalonians 1:6). We must trust God at his Word, all of it. If He says to avoid evil for evil , be a friend, and remember our job as ambassadors of Christ, this is what we must do. This is faith and is what pleases God (Hebrews 11:6). We must think about what our actions will accomplish and then choose the actions that will reflect the character of Christ. Easy? No. Required? Yes. And being nonslanderous is possible through prayer and following the example of Christ (Psalm 119:133 and 1 Peter 2:21).

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

A Lesson in Slander

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I have longed believed God when He says that His word will not return to Him void, meaning that His word will accomplish what He intended for it to do. This has been the case with so many who have reacted to my writings on slander; we have all been convicted about slandering and even enabling slanderers by being that welcoming ear. The following is the testimony of how one reader allowed “Rid Yourself of Slander, Part 1” to penetrate her heart and to be open to God’s correction:

By Abbey Waterman

Abbey Waterman with husband, Kevin, and son, Kevin Jr.

Abbey Waterman with husband, Kevin, and son, Kevin Jr.


Why did our family Bible time reading rest on James 3 last night when I was absent? I was so proud that the kids were faithful without Daddy and Mommy. The children so graciously thought it was necessary to revisit the passage at this morning’s Rhema pow-wow, where I was present. (Lovely children). They each read a small portion of James 3:1-10. I was convicted by God’s word. My own children skillfully, but respectfully, spanked me with the Word of God after I was already positioned in the bend over and touch your toes position by your Slander soliloquy. Yes, I am guilty of tongue slashing!

James 3:6 says: “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” This not only refers to harsh slanderous words. Charm (is deceptive), lying, gossip, contention, strife, peace destroyers, and glory thieves are all hell fires full of corruption sparked by the tongue. Selfish sweet sappy manipulators are included in this bunch as well. It is relatively simple to recognize my sin with its brash, cutting, coarse destruction. I grieve for destroying the Kingdom in the hearts of God’s people in such a heinous fashion. Today, I learned (again) about tongue slashing (the beam in my eye) and the less obvious fires of the tongue (splinters) that are sly, subtle, slow burning and smoldering.

I hate sin and it makes me mad, angry even. God is teaching me how to allow anger to be the dutiful alarm system to sin that He intended. When the alarm is sounded and sin is recognized, then the bothersome noisy device should be turned off! Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” After acknowledging my own sin, we received new revelation (at least for our family).

Thanks for the tasteful correction!

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 2

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Life can be quite overwhelming for all of us. Family issues, financial crises, unending wars and everyday routines can make any one of us want to give up on any given day. And don’t be a black woman. Like any other “double minority,” there is another set of complexities that comes with our lives. But whether you’re black or white, male or female, economically and socially privileged or deprived, as a Christian you are required to rid yourself of slanderous talk. This is not easy, so here are a few more tips:

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)—We are told to tell the truth, but we must remember to be mindful of how we tell the truth. We can’t simply say that we had to tell the person the truth; we have to ask ourselves our motive behind why we are going to say what we intend to say. We not only have to make sure our motives are right, we have to check our tone of voice, the timing of what we say and the place we choose to say it. Our heart could be right, but our voice could betray us. Speaking to someone when they’ve just had a traumatic experience may not be the right time to tell someone that they’re shiftless. And doing so in front of friends may leave them embarrassed and hopeless. Speaking the truth in love is summarized with Ephesians 4:29:

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” This verse tells us to speak what is good so that we edify and minister grace to others. Good has several meanings but the one that I believe applies to this verse is “useful.” Our language should be useful so we build up (edify) others, particularly promoting “another’s growth in Christian wisdom, piety, happiness, holiness” (Blue Letter Bible Concordance). And we should deliver this useful message with grace, which is “good will, loving-kindness.” Anything short of Ephesians 4:29 is slander.

So whether we like it or not, want to use it or not, Ephesians 4:29 applies when you’re happy and when you’re sad. It holds true when you’re healthy and when you’re ill. Ephesians 4:29 must be in the forefront when you don’t like your husband and when your kids get on your last nerve. When someone is rude or mean to you, tries to discourage or hate on you, you must invoke Ephesians 4:29. If you’re angry or bitter, let Ephesians 4:29 help heal your soul and perhaps the soul of the person who has offended you. Even if the other person is not healed, know that God sees you and is pleased. Let’s strive to make pleasing God our only motivation to speak what is good.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 1

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Harsh words may have been our way, but as the previous two posts on slander have shown, this is not the way we should be. For so many of us—black women in America, fighting back and proactively countering inevitable sexist and racists attacks, slander has been a way of life. Fighting with harsh words may the American way, but as Christian women we must choose God’s way. Here’s what He says:

Recognize the difficulty in taming your tongue (James 3:7-8)—We are told, “For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; [it is] an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” This is a fact that we must accept.

Call on God for help (Psalm 107)—Once you recognize your difficulty of taming your tongue, seek God’s help. He tells us how hard it is for us to tame our tongue, yet requires that we do so. James 3 tells us that the remedy for taming the tongue is to use “the meekness of wisdom” (v. 13), giving someone sound guidance in a gentle manner. The only way that we can do so is with God’s help because wisdom is not natural to us; it comes from God (Isaiah 11:2). Don’t quench His help (1 Thessalonians 5:19); pursue it.

Be meek (Titus 3:2)—I have friends who are astonished at how I use grace with them. One knew me as Zorro; the other has given me free reign to tell whatever I need to tell her, but God still leads me to do so gently. This is because I know if I give myself license to slander, I may help her in the short run but in the long run she may be damaged. I don’t want to leave that to chance. She has given me the power to speak however I want, but I’d rather choose meekness, having my power under control, instead of railing on her.

There is so much more to say so stay tune for Monday’s part 2 installment.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith