Author Archives: Rhonda J. Smith

No Christian Pimps Allowed

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If I weren’t a Christian I don’t think I would want to be one. I’ve seen too many bank-rolling bishops and prosperity preachers flanked with so many goons and girls that Rudy the Pimp of my childhood would be put to shame. Why would I want to settle for the imitation of street life when I could live the street life? This is what so many skeptics of Christianity ask Christians who profess Christ then curse Him, go to church and to the club, take communion and hit some Hennessy or smoke a demon and then a joint. God calls us to be level-headed to stamp out this duplicity. “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways,” the Apostle James tells us (1:8). When you are unstable as a Christian others become unsure about you and yours, and you never gain what you were intended: winning souls for Jesus Christ.

If you aren’t level-headed you not only never receive what you were intended to gain, but when you lose your wits you can also lose so much else, like your reputation; friends; family; and job. When you aren’t sober (making wise decisions) you cannot be discreet (discipline in your body) to complete the work that you should be committed to (Titus 2:4-5). The Apostle Paul calls these two vanity of the mind and lasciviousness (Ephesians 4:18-19).

Vanity of the mind is the inability to perceive and understand the truth which leads to making bad decisions like lasciviousness, which is having no moral restraints, being shameless and outrageous. So when you walk in the vanity of your mind it’s easy to think it’s okay to be a preacher-pimp; a false friend; a failure in your family but a success on your job; or stealing time at work to make that church event a success. Next time you plan to do away with sound judgment and do something without moral restraints, think about your unsaved loved ones and the bigger watching world that God has commissioned you to be stable for. It’s better to suffer the slight affliction of self-restraint than to enjoy sin, whose pleasures only last for a season (Hebrews 11:25). A lifetime of salvation surely beats a season of sin. The choice is up to you.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Be Level-Headed

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Mental instability is sobering. It affects the young and the old, the rich and the poor, and males and females all over the world. Without a doubt the increase in the reported numbers of heinous crimes, hospitalizations and people I have encountered surely has more to do with oppressed social and economic times than with genetics. I say this because many of us have had a “crazy” in the family, whether certified or not. We know that this person couldn’t be counted on to hold an entire sensible conversation because he has “always been that way.” But now it seems people have more than just the crazy uncle or friend, at least that’s what I see.

Maybe people are more vocal about their instabilities, whereas in years past speaking about them was taboo. Or maybe I notice more people because there are few asylums where they can go and others who want or need short-term care don’t get it because they can’t afford it. Whatever the reason for the instability, God has called us to be level-headed; discreet and sober are the words given to women in Titus 2. This is a great call and equally difficult.

At first glance, the definitions for discreet and sober seem to be the same, with both suggesting having self control. But a deeper look shows the distinction: Discreet has more to do with discipline in terms of completing a task that you have committed to and sober would “involve the cultivation of sound judgment and prudence.” So God is calling us to do what we have committed ourselves to and to develop our minds so that we make good decisions, free from emotions. There is a definite connection between these words beyond their definition: If your mind isn’t developed to make good decisions, then you’re unlikely to complete tasks that you have committed to. A sound mind leads to consistent completed tasks.

Though being sober and discreet is difficult, this is what we are called to be so we don’t permanently end up in an institution or making and breaking commitments. God never commands something from us without equipping us (Philippians 2:13). So rest assured that stability in body and mind is something that you can achieve if you believe and trust God.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Practice Sexual Purity

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I know being sexually pure is tough. After reading my two posts this week, many people have commented about their struggles in this area. And some people don’t think sexual purity is realistic. The argument is that God made us sexual beings, and we don’t have the capacity to abstain. Added to that, we live in a country with freedom of choice, and many of us want to exercise that choice with little or no restraint. We are even encouraged to do so. But even though sexual purity may be a struggle and we are sexual beings who have the freedom to choose, God wants us to choose to follow is will: to only have sex within the bounds of marriage between a man and a woman (Matthew 19:4-6). But how can this be done with seemingly so much against us?

Following are four do’s and don’ts to help you walk in sexual purity:

  • Do keep your mind on God’s Word (Psalm 119:11).

    • 1) Listen to it (Sermons, music, read it aloud).
    2) Study it.
    3) Post it.
    4) Meditate on it.
    5) Memorize it.

  • Don’t expose yourself to sensual materials (Books, television shows, advertisements, music, magazines, websites, conversations or movies). None of these has to be labeled pornography. If they have sexual triggers for you, don’t consume them (2 Timothy 2:16).
  • Do hang with spiritually-minded Christian people. This is not to say that you shouldn’t be around people with other values. The Apostle Paul says you would have to leave this world to do that (1 Corinthians 5:10). Just make sure your closest friends—those who you seek counsel from—are capable of giving you Godly wisdom, not just good old “common sense” (Psalm 1:1; Proverbs 19:21).
  • Don’t hang with unscrupulous people. You will eventually do what they do (1 Corinthians 15:33).
  • Do go to inspirational places like church and houses of accountable friends. Even at church and other places you go, like a concert, you have to make sure that the people or activities aren’t ones that will draw you in sexually. Church? I’m just sayin’ (Psalm 73:14-17).
  • Don’t go to shady places. If it’s underground, back alley or afterhours, chances are you might get into some trouble (Genesis 34).
  • Do keep busy. When you fill your life up with productive activities, you won’t have time to plan or commit sin.
  • Don’t have idle time. If you do, you will have plenty of time to plan and commit sin (1 Timothy 5:13).

    • Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Reasons for Sexual Purity

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    Through the lips of a nervous smile, she could barely speak: “Would you pray for me about something I did that I regret. I had an abortion a few years ago and I regret it.” Her emotions gripped her now because of what she didn’t know then: Doing what you want with your body may make you feel in control, but because of sexual impurity there are so many consequences that may haunt you for years to come. To wear the badge of strong black woman, so many of us have believed the lie that we are in control of our own bodies, but those bodies then begin to betray that notion in several ways:

    ? Death may come.

      1) This could be a physical death—for you by way of a disease like AIDS, or your baby by way of an abortion for not wanting a child with someone you just slept with (1 Corinthians 10:8);
      2) an emotional death—by way of feeling unfulfilled after the sexual act and shame because your sexual partner now disrespects you or you disrespect yourself (2 Samuel 13:1-20); or
      3) a spiritual death—by way of a disconnection from God and other believers because of your disobedience (Romans 1:24-32, 1 Corinthians 5).

    ? You will have an unnatural attachment. Because sex is God’s way of connecting you spiritually to your spouse, having sex outside of marriage still connects you with the person you sleep with (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). You, therefore, may long to be with or even have stalker-like tendencies toward your “unlawful husband.”

    ? You may damage your reputation. Some of you may be discreet with your stuff, but it will catch up with you eventually (1 Corinthians 4:5). As a woman, you may not be deemed marriage material (“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”); as a Christian, you lose your testimony as a credible witness for God’s kingdom because you act like everybody else; and as a mother, “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t work. Your children are likely to mimic your illicit behavior (John 4:16-18, 1 Corinthians 9:27).

    ? You will likely have “baby mama drama.” This may be because you’re trying to get him to take responsibility of the kids you two had or his new girlfriend despises you or you despise her (Genesis 16:1-5).

    I’m not insensitive to believe that these results only come to those who initiate sexual impurity. Like me, some of you may have been raped and had to deal with these deaths because of someone else’s impurity. Hear what I’m saying though: whether likely participant or victim, God has given us a choice: “I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19). If you can participate in illicit sex, don’t. Save yourself from unnecessary death and drama. Choose life. If you are a victim, choose life through Jesus and the resources that he provides for healing.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Be Pure

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    From as early as I can remember I’ve been driven to do what I feel is right: As a toddler I never crawled, just decided to walk one day; In elementary school, I befriended the lonely and didn’t let bullies bully me; In junior high, I refused to suck up to the most popular girl who sought to strip my dignity and win my friends; In high school, I dared to run for class office against the most popular girl; In college, I led my peers to defend the homeless and conducted personal crusades on their behalf; and post graduate and beyond, I’ve made it my business to tell it like it is about race and gender inequalities. These weren’t bad things, but they all stemmed from an independent spirit. And an independent spirit is great when it allows you to be free from trying to please people, to do the right thing. But when you are free from trying to please God to do your own thing, that’s when chaos begins.

    Chaos for me began when my free spirit was coupled with an early exposure to illicit sex. From about 9 to early adulthood, self pleasure was a favorite pastime, at 16 my virginity was loss (at my initiating), and throughout early adulthood, I did most of what my body desired. As a strong black woman, I thought it was my prerogative to “make love” to men I wasn’t married to, watch illicit movies, and hang out at seedy places with unscrupulous people. Few suspected my impurity, with two of my closest friends in college ridiculing me for being “a prude.” Private I was; prudish I was not and this caused an ultimate tragedy for me—getting burned.

    Even though I wasn’t saved, the results of my illicit acts helped me to see why God commands purity for His people (Colossians 3:5-6). Sexual purity is rendered fornication in the Bible and means to have sex outside of the marital bond to whom God declares you can marry (one man to one woman). Engaging within the bond of marriage can be challenging enough in itself. Operating outside of God’s commands inevitably brings consequences you don’t want and shouldn’t have to handle. Truly, it is best to flee fornication and rid yourself of the notion that you are free to do whatever you want because you are grown (1 Corinthians 6:18). If you don’t, assured destruction is on the way.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith