Monthly Archives: July 2009

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 2

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Life can be quite overwhelming for all of us. Family issues, financial crises, unending wars and everyday routines can make any one of us want to give up on any given day. And don’t be a black woman. Like any other “double minority,” there is another set of complexities that comes with our lives. But whether you’re black or white, male or female, economically and socially privileged or deprived, as a Christian you are required to rid yourself of slanderous talk. This is not easy, so here are a few more tips:

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)—We are told to tell the truth, but we must remember to be mindful of how we tell the truth. We can’t simply say that we had to tell the person the truth; we have to ask ourselves our motive behind why we are going to say what we intend to say. We not only have to make sure our motives are right, we have to check our tone of voice, the timing of what we say and the place we choose to say it. Our heart could be right, but our voice could betray us. Speaking to someone when they’ve just had a traumatic experience may not be the right time to tell someone that they’re shiftless. And doing so in front of friends may leave them embarrassed and hopeless. Speaking the truth in love is summarized with Ephesians 4:29:

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” This verse tells us to speak what is good so that we edify and minister grace to others. Good has several meanings but the one that I believe applies to this verse is “useful.” Our language should be useful so we build up (edify) others, particularly promoting “another’s growth in Christian wisdom, piety, happiness, holiness” (Blue Letter Bible Concordance). And we should deliver this useful message with grace, which is “good will, loving-kindness.” Anything short of Ephesians 4:29 is slander.

So whether we like it or not, want to use it or not, Ephesians 4:29 applies when you’re happy and when you’re sad. It holds true when you’re healthy and when you’re ill. Ephesians 4:29 must be in the forefront when you don’t like your husband and when your kids get on your last nerve. When someone is rude or mean to you, tries to discourage or hate on you, you must invoke Ephesians 4:29. If you’re angry or bitter, let Ephesians 4:29 help heal your soul and perhaps the soul of the person who has offended you. Even if the other person is not healed, know that God sees you and is pleased. Let’s strive to make pleasing God our only motivation to speak what is good.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 1

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Harsh words may have been our way, but as the previous two posts on slander have shown, this is not the way we should be. For so many of us—black women in America, fighting back and proactively countering inevitable sexist and racists attacks, slander has been a way of life. Fighting with harsh words may the American way, but as Christian women we must choose God’s way. Here’s what He says:

Recognize the difficulty in taming your tongue (James 3:7-8)—We are told, “For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; [it is] an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” This is a fact that we must accept.

Call on God for help (Psalm 107)—Once you recognize your difficulty of taming your tongue, seek God’s help. He tells us how hard it is for us to tame our tongue, yet requires that we do so. James 3 tells us that the remedy for taming the tongue is to use “the meekness of wisdom” (v. 13), giving someone sound guidance in a gentle manner. The only way that we can do so is with God’s help because wisdom is not natural to us; it comes from God (Isaiah 11:2). Don’t quench His help (1 Thessalonians 5:19); pursue it.

Be meek (Titus 3:2)—I have friends who are astonished at how I use grace with them. One knew me as Zorro; the other has given me free reign to tell whatever I need to tell her, but God still leads me to do so gently. This is because I know if I give myself license to slander, I may help her in the short run but in the long run she may be damaged. I don’t want to leave that to chance. She has given me the power to speak however I want, but I’d rather choose meekness, having my power under control, instead of railing on her.

There is so much more to say so stay tune for Monday’s part 2 installment.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Slander Hurts

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People used to call me Zorro because I could slash you with words and leave a mark to prove that I had done it. My words caused pain in the name of the truth, setting the record straight and getting someone told. I was not God fearing or holy. I wanted others to feel my wrath, and they did. I was a good Zorro, but I had to give up playing that part. The role hurt others and marred my reputation.

Even though I spoke the truth, I was wrong because my main intent was never to help but always to hurt; I wanted to expose others’ wrongs and make them feel bad while doing so. I never considered what I did as slander, but a close look at the Scriptures lets me know that’s what I was doing. The Hebrew word (Old Testament) for slander means whispering, defamation, evil report, and unfavorable saying, and the Greek word (New Testament) means to rail at, revile, speak reproachfully and to blaspheme. The New Testament phrase is often rendered “to be evil spoken of.” So slander could be lying or telling the truth. All lying about someone is slander. Lies, even well meaning ones, destroy integrity. The truth could be considered slander when you use truth to rail at or defame someone intentionally or unintentionally. The outcome of slander—whether done through lying or truth, intentionally or unintentionally, is always corruption. This is why Scripture warns us so many times to not slander and warns of the outcome (Exodus 20:16; 1 Tim. 3:8, 11; 2 Tim. 3:3; Titus 2:3). Simply put, if you slander just know that you

1) strengthen the works of evil doers (Exodus 23:1; Ezekiel 13:22);
2) associate yourself with Satan (John 8:44; Matt. 12:33, 7:17-18);
3) may endure God’s wrath (Psalm 101:7; Proverbs 19:5, 9; Malachi 3:5); and
4) reveal that you don’t (intimately) know God (Jeremiah 9:3-6).

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Will you continue to let your tongue thrust like a sword to strengthen the works of evil doers, associate yourself with Satan, endure God’s wrath and remain ignorant of God or will you choose to be wise to heal with your words? The choice is yours.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Slander Me Not

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“Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear-hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh”—Jude 22-23.
Warning: This is a fire snatching poem to save my sisters from the destruction of slander.

Slander Me Not

You like to say only sticks and stones
Hurt your bones but names do hurt you,
Pimp slap you, sucker punch you, arrest you, knock you out in disbelief, give you grief
Harsh words make you stumble
You recover, then sputter some choice words yourself
You black “B” or fat cow
You ugly “B” or dumb dog
But that’s not all in the name calling repertoire.
You can be a snotty sophisticate
Use your intellect and shift from the gutter to self-assuredly utter
“I wouldn’t have done it like that. I thought you knew better than that.”
You can move from snotty to spiritual
Take your words so that others hear it as concern:
“I called the Pauls because I think they’ve fallen out with Pastor.”
“We have to pray for Earline; she’s having marital problems.”
Or you can broaden your approach
Bring in a same breath reproach
Change from spiritual whisperer to a double dipping wordsmith
Bring gifts to a friend
Then stab her in the back with the walk away attack:
“Girl, I love that hat.” “She thinks she’s all that. I have one that’s better than that.”
You a gut-busting, sucker punching, pimp slapping, heart wrenching slanderer
Using words to make false claims, curse and bless and bringing shame upon others.
Your words cut deep
You conceive to deceive, to please your flesh instead of only bless your neighbors.
You’re a slanderer
Speaking death instead of life
Handling words to engender strife
This is the life of a Christian?
This cannot be.
This should not be.
Jesus Christ died so this would not be.
So please let it not be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Pursuing Holiness

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My momma used to say something like this: “Watch who you hang with, where you go and what you do. Remember your reputation. You want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror when you wake up.” My momma’s words did help me to choose my friends wisely, for the most part (’cause y’all know I got some male scallywags that I want to remain in my closet). But as a maverick, I would go just about anywhere and try just about anything because I wanted to give the testimony and not hear from any witnesses. But the scars from this type of strong black woman existence are still with me, and I made up my mind that I have enough war wounds to share the course of another’s lifetime. My mother’s advice brought me a long way, but God’s Word is what now keeps me along my way.

I told you I wasn’t going to give you a list of do’s and don’ts, but I will list areas of holiness and some criteria that you should consider when accessing your involvement in these areas:

    • People you hang with (Friends)
    • Places you go (Facilities, like social gathering spots)
    • Pursuits you plan (Future, like a career and education goals
    and material items)
    • Passions you have (Fancies, like hobbies and community involvement)

As I searched the Scriptures (see below), what I find I could sum up as this: Because your friends have a great influence in your life, make sure you choose those who have your back, won’t gossip about you, try to influence you to do wrong, compete with you or think they are better than you, and will guide you away from places that have a reputation for being evil, help you pursue God’s will for your life and encourage you to find pleasure in God more than anything else. These are people seeking to walk in holiness and the type you should choose as friends. This is also the type of person you should seek to be as a friend. This is what I got from God’s Word. As you consider walking in holiness in relation to your friends, facilities, future and fancies, you probably won’t get anything much different than what I have summarized. But, please, let the scriptures govern your choices. Here are some to consider:

Friends: John 15:13; Proverbs 17:9; 1 Corinthians 15:33; Philippians 2:3;
2 Corinthians 6:14
Facilities: 1 Thessalonians 5:22
Future: 2 Corinthians 6:14; James 4:13-16
Fancies: 1 Timothy 6:8-10; 1 John 2:15-16

I am interested in hearing about your choice in friends, facilities, and future and fancies pursuits. Write me back so the conversation continues.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith